It's my birthday today. I'm 26 years old. I'm now WAY closer to 30 than I am 18. In all reality, I'm well over 25% done with my life. If my dad is any indicator, I'm approximately 33.3% done with this world as we know it. A 1/3 of my life... gone.
And what do I have to show for it?
Well, for starters I'm in the best shape of my life that I've ever been. Well, not EVER... but in better shape than I've spent a majority of my life. I was healthier for a bit, but I put some weight back and am working on getting it back off and building muscle at the same time. The weight is coming off as fast as I'd like (I need to do a bodyfat percentage thing though), but I can see the muscles growing so it makes me kinda happy.
There's one good thing I've got going for me. On the other hand, I'm single. Terribly single. I always used to tell myself that if I wasn't well involved (meaning well on my way to marriage) with some girl by the time I was 26 that I was either just gonna give up and remain single or instantly propose to a female friend who could tolerate ME for the rest of my life. Because, well, I'll probably die first and I admit I'd probably be the harder one to tolerate. Anyway, neither of those two things are happening in my mind right now. I've got one lady in particular who I can't get out of mind (although she remains oblivious) and I'm pretty sure all my female friends would straight up turn me down anyway.
My career is non-existent. Since moving back to Michigan I haven't been able to find any work that any idiot couldn't do. I send out resume after resume, go on the occasional interview (although that seems to have dried up now), and always walk away empty handed. I'm scared to death I'll be stuck working in a grocery store making $8 an hour for the rest of my life... living paycheck to paycheck. I'm trying to get out of this career rut, but it's like my wheels are just spinnin'. A guy can't catch a break. When the economy DOES pick up, then I'll have tons of competition from people who initially lost their jobs and have tons of experience and from other kids who just graduated college and think the future's all bright. F that. I'm screwed.
I don't even rent my own apartment. Like a true loser. I'm living with my brother and his fiancee. I don't even have my own place... and what little I can afford to give him for allowing me to stay there doesn't amount to a hill of beans. I'm grateful for having family that's willing to help me out so much, but I wish I could do more to help pull my own weight. I also just want to get out of his/their hair. How awkward and annoying it must be to both of them. Jesus, what the hell is wrong with me?
But, there are positive things in my life... such as my health. It's not where I want it to be, but I'm working and doing something positive to get it where I want it to be. I do it for me and nobody else either... so at least I can say that much. Upon further analysis though, it seems that often is the only positive thing I can see in my life and it's fragile. Fragile as hell. A couple days of bad eating and it can start to spiral out of control and go all down the drain. It makes me wonder sometimes if it's all worth it. Yeah, I can wear cooler clothes now, I like the way I look much better, I often feel a lot better... but it takes a LOT of work. No frontin' on that. Not to mention, that no matter how much I work out, I'll still not be totally satisfied with how I look until I find some way to get rid of all this damn extra skin... 'cause I look like shit with my shirt off. Even if I did have six pack abs (which I definitely don't... still too much of a belly), you'd never know it because of this damn stuff. My arms look like I straight jacked them from someone's grandma with all the flab hanging off 'em when I just lift them to the sides - no amount of huge biceps can detract from that. And, well, other not so pretty spots with extra skin.
It's my birthday and I'm in a pretty shitty mood. I guess that means I need to buck up and get my ass to (Mars) the gym. Release some endorphins, get sweaty, and go do something fun... as long as it isn't eating.
Oh, and here's a new picture for y'all. Not lookin' my skinniest, but workin' on it still... Muscles are kinda showing though - which makes me happy. This was taken last week sometime in the gym restroom...
2 comments:
Happy Belated Birthday Adam!!! Hope you found something fun to do on your Birthday and had a good rest of the day. Your looking great. If you have grandma arms I guess I have great great grandma arms lol. I keep thinking at some point I'll get my arms done, it is what bugs me the most. I guess the skin is the battle scars we wear. Hope the job situation improves for you soon and you can find something you like.
I think as people get older, they have this same talk with themselves on every birthday. I know when I turned 30, I was lika majorly depressed with life in general, so I won't lie and say it gets easier each year, but as long as you have some accomplishment to hold on to, then you're doing okay. As for me, I just assume that eventually things WILL get better, so I'll assume the same for you too. Cheer up and enjoy your birthday! You look great and you're doing well and I'm sure life has a lot in store for you. Be excited for your future :)
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