Tuesday, January 16, 2018

A few thoughts on death.

I think there are some people that might argue I'm death obsessed. I talk about it a lot, I make a lot of jokes about dying, and it just seems like something that is worthy of a lot of thought and topic of conversation. I dunno, maybe I am obsessed with it.

You can't escape it though. At least, not yet. That's what I find fascinating about it. Everybody is going to die. Even you. Every person which you've ever cared about, anyone you've ever loved, every person you've ever seen or made eye contact with... will all die. Without fail. That's more mind-blowing than scary when you really think about it.

It's another one of those things we all have to face but nobody wants to talk about. We've made it one of those things - a taboo topic. Like pooping, burping, farting, having sex, and countless other things EVERYONE DOES but nobody is allowed to talk about.

I want to die. I promise you it's not in a suicidal way, I'm not going to make myself die. But, I welcome death whenever it's ready for me. I think it'll be a kind of relief, if I'm completely honest. I look forward to "nothing." Just like my weekends.

Of course I don't know what, if anything, is waiting when death arrives. Nobody does no matter how much they might tell you they do or how convinced you think you are about what happens. Maybe that's what's so scary to people... not knowing. Humans have to know stuff. It's in our nature to want to know and to attribute reason. That's why we do science experiments, that's why we've created religion, that's why there are books on the analysis of literature and what it means, and so on and so on. But we can never know the truth about death because anyone that has experienced it can't tell us about it.

There was a point in time not long ago I didn't want a funeral when I died. No memorial service. Nothing. Upon a little reflection, I've changed my mind for one reason: I think people deserve a day off of work on my behalf. So, if I can give a day off of work to those that would care enough to show up to a service for me not being here any more, then I'll gladly do it. Hell, my family members might even get a few days off! You're welcome, guys.

For my funeral/memorial service/whatever it is... I just have a few things I ask:
1) NO RELIGION. Not even if someone from the crowd gets up to talk about me... don't mention that I'm "with God" or "in a better place" or any of that stuff. I didn't live thinking that would happen and if it all turns out to be true, I'm going straight to Hell because I think it's all bullshit. Don't even talk about it there, man.
2) Keep it short. Unless there's an insane amount of people there (I mean like a celebrity death amount or something), there's no reason this thing should last more than an hour - if that. You get the day off of work, I want y'all to be out enjoying it and doing something fun. Not pissing the day away whining because my meatbag of a body doesn't hold my universal essence anymore.
3) Dogs are allowed.
4) Whatever can't be donated to save/better another person's life should be cremated or otherwise disposed of in a cool fashion.
5) I don't want a grave or a marker. I don't want to be "visited" after I'm dead. Assuming there isn't just "nothing" and I'm not burning in Hell, I'm also not sticking around here (unless I have to, in which case I'll visit YOU instead), I'm going to be traveling to different dimensions and crazy stuff like that. If you feel the urge to visit me, just watch Back to the Future, Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and Short Circuit all in the same day and call it good.

For now, I'm going to say that's good. I'm sure I'll think of more later, but you likely won't hear about it.  Now, in the off chance anyone out there actually reads this, share with me, what are your thoughts on death? Anything special we should abide to on the day of your funeral?