Sunday, August 28, 2016

The Best is Yet to Come

One of the most important keys to improvement is consistently working towards improvement of whatever it is you're trying to get better at. Focus, determination, dedication, and the will to succeed will get you where you want to be in time. How much time, nobody can ever know, but you'll get there if you work towards it.

I feel as if I am consistently working every day towards being a better person. Better than I was yesterday. More moral, more ethical, more open, more honest, more feeling, and more caring. It's a shit ton of work in itself to realize and catch myself in the middle of some behaviors that have become ingrained in my personality. Traits that I'd like to make less evident or lose entirely. Although I haven't always had the greatest self-image, I don't know that I've ever actually really hated myself. The thing is, I've spent so much time talking negatively about myself and giving that impression across that I can fully understand how others might think that I think that about myself. That's one big transition I feel I've made in the past eight or nine months. Yes, the self deprecation is still there, but I can rightfully say that it's far less frequent and incredibly less earnest sounding when it does break free.

Another area I'm just now realizing and addressing is my fear of being smart. Don't jump the gun on me, I know I'm not Albert Einstein and I likely won't ever be solving any world problems with the thoughts kicking around in my head. Having said that, and I hate to sound conceited, I am coming to realize that I might be a fair notch or two above the average person. I feel like a dick even typing that. But, I think the key is not to hold that over others (which I don't think I do) but at the same time, not be ashamed to let it show either - which I have been afraid of for a very long time. My lack of self appreciation over the years hasn't really allowed me to enjoy many things about myself because to acknowledge or admit that I'm good or better at something, in my eyes, makes me come across as a dickhole. That's where the "consistently working towards improvement" comes in for me though, in this aspect of myself. Like so many other things.

I know I've said countless times that I will write here more. That I'll write more period. Somewhere, somehow. And that never comes to fruition. So, here's another aspect that I need to work towards because I've got ideas that need to escape, whether they amount to anything or not is another story... but I can't keep holding on to them. I feel like my life is headed towards something and you better believe that working in my call center job isn't it for the rest of my life. I guess that's what everyone says (only with whatever they do currently, not necessarily the call center), but I won't get anywhere if I don't start putting the work in to be the best writer, philosopher, music maker, or whatever the hell it is I wanna do. The time has come, to practice what I preach. I hope you'll see more of me around here. Even if it's rambling nonsense like this kind of is... Let's work on it, dude.

Now, even though nobody reads this, tell me... what do YOU want to improve in yourself?

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